how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
