I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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