Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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