she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize