hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
