RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
