The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
