found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
