I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
