Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize