Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
