did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
