My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
