i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
