Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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