I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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