I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize