yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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