i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
