Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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