Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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