don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
