very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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