yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
