Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
