whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
