I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
