I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
