nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
