Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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