i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I need moral support for this bender
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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