There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
