When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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