Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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