does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
