I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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