I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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