I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
