We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
