Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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