i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize