I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
