Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
