I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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