So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
