I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I look better un-naked...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
