Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
