omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
babies were throwing up all over the place
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize