so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
