STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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