Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
MIDGETS
????
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
