whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
