I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
