I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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