Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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