I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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