How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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