final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize