I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
