currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
