i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
