yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
