if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
