textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
