sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
