i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
