saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
