You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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