RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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