Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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