If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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