Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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