I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
