so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
