I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
