Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
