It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize