My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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