Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
