Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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