It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
