I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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