Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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