Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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