Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
