Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
