He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
