i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
