we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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