i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
