Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
