My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You dont lie about slip and slides
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
