You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
