If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
