Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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